death and the days.

death is an odd thing. walking into the funeral home was like nothing i've ever experienced. those who worked there quickly jumped at the opportunity to direct you to the visitation. i watched as people lined up to meet with the greiving family. their leather creaked as they ignore the truth and talked about the newest addition they built on their house. are they that ignorant or does that actually make them feel better? i will never know. when i finally reached the 'family room' where the entire family was, i talked to the sister of the deceased. this was definately the most hard for me to bare. and i started to cry. when terrible things happen, you learn a lot in retrospect. like how the human mind actually works.

FACT: those who are selfish are selfish constantly.

FACT: those who go un-noticed will go un-noticed constantly.

FACT: everyone has a breaking point.

i wasn't ready for any of it. the only funeral i had been to was my great-grandma's. and i remember having a good time. some relative of mine (i have no idea how she's related, but i can recall seeing her at random family get togethers throughout the years) that looks exactly like a stereotypical witch with fluffy grey hair and dark eyes gave me a rose (despite her appearance, she was very nice). and i remember being so happy that i got a rose and showing it to my dad. he polietly smiled. and although everyone else there was sad, i couldn't be happier because i had a big red rose all to myself. afterwards we went to swiss chalet and i was excited over the lemon water they serve to wash your hands with. it's ironic, really.
this time was very different. i stood there with my combat boots, ripped panty hose, and blue hair and pondered if i was the disrespectful one. but thoughtout the whole thing... all i wanted was to give that rose to the family.